rushing

I am so fucked for tomorrow. In a sense this is also my fault for not booking appointments earlier and just assuming things will get done on the same day.
I'm already having troubles scheduling my times... I don't know how long I'll last.

Also - the list of the True Friends is emerging. I keep on thinking about the best of people when I should've learned not to expect anything from others because in the end, these people will disappoint you.

I really need the confidence to pull this off.

Melancholic/ I Must Be Dreaming

I've been feeling helpless these past few days.
Everything seems to be going well, but I fear that I may not be physically able to accomplish my goals.
Afterwhich... where will these short term goals lead me?
I am still waiting for my calling.
Maybe that's my mistake - because I've been waiting.
I fear failure. I feel that I won't fail. Am I making excuses for myself?
Growth choices... growth choices...
All the while, procrastinating.......
So tired. I just want to get this life over with.

Pursuit of Happiness and The Burdens Thereof

There are times when there is no reason that a person feels depressed or down or melancholic. It may be the final accumulation of all the stresses that have been bogging down that person's spirit, or 1 big underlying problem that he/she may or may not be aware of. In a sense, it is similar to having a ghost sitting on top of your shoulder, an additional burden that remains invisible and almost seems impossible to get rid of, because you have no idea of its existence in the first place.

But what if one does know about the problem(s)? This, we can call denial, ignorance or procrastination.

Why do you let yourself be enslaved by the workings of a series of unfortunate events?
There is a reason why we, as people, are mobile -- it is a reflection and a measure of our potential to be active, not only in the physical sense but also in our thought processes, and that involves decision-making and setting priorities for one's self.

We need to try to be happy. If we don't make the initiative, then what else is there for us to hold on to, to follow and chase? If we remain dormant, then there is nothing else for the universe to act on, but its own laws -- that of increasing disorder. Then, your life will end up a chaotic mess of regret and longing and suspended depression.

Testing Patience

There are moments in your lives where you are given the opportunity to test the relationships you have. I would say that 'this'/ 'right now' is one of those points in my life. I never decline the chance to figure out who my true friends are, who truly understand and empathize with me. It is a tough exam for the people around me, especially since they don't even know that they are being tested.
But that's just how it is - every single day is a pop quiz, and your examinees may range from the being you believe is "God" to the peddler you shooed away at the corner of Queen St.
This is a burden my friends will (never/ not) know and continue to carry as long as they remain in my radius.
Have I figured out their true nature? Not yet.
I would say I'm pretty generous with my second chances.

Try

In the process of deciding which gym membership to get. For the meantime, I've been "working out" at home. Normal lunges have been killing my calves for the past few days. I need to get on a treadmill. The carb intake hadn't changed yet for the pat few days though so don't think the exercising will have any effect...

Challenge for self this week: no heavy meat!

Which means I'll have to do groceries and shit... Because eating out pescetarian is expensive! 🙀 🐟🐡🐬

Busy Bee

I am balls deep in volunteering this summer + work during the weekends.
So far, the only thing that I am complaining about is the commute. It's times like these when I wish I drove already.
NTS: must get more driving practice + get on that G2 exit stat!

This will be a summer of multitasking and I hate to say it, but another summer of no vacations (probably). Friends are asking me to book off weeks or weekends for camping and cottage and mall-ratting... um no. I need to decided on my future right now. I don't think you understand it as well I as I do.
My mentor, who I met for the first time today, is certainly kooky. She's into alternative health and traditional Chinese medicine. She's a musician, writer, researcher, etc.
She reminds me of me 20 years from now.
NTS: Figure out your career stat!

On a side note - right foot is still hurting from the walking adventures last week. I wonder if I sprained my ankle, or if I somehow tore a tendon... I may need to walk in shoes with some heel. Flats are currently killing me.

The weather's not really helping with my emotions today. Very confused weather = very confused moi.

On a better note - I just bought a new phone last weekend. It's a Google Nexus 4. No I have not made changes to it - ie. custom roms/mods, rooted it, etc. I need to read up on that BTW. No time right now. Been bookmarking DIY's, in the off-chance that I find time to do it. Will most likely take a day. Will probably do it next year.

Thoughts

Really really really hate thinking about my future.
There is just so much uncertainty right now.
I just want to fastforward to 30 years, and see how my life turns out.
This part of my life is the inevitable fork in the road for me.
Hate hate hate making big decisions.

Lipstick Phase

Been buying a few lipsticks these days. I've never been big on makeup before. That changed since last year. My SISTER says I'm a late bloomer. That cutie. :P

So the lipsticks...
I'll be posting some pics in an edited post laters. :)

• NYX Matte Euro Trash
• Essence lip liners Honey Dew & Nude
• NYX Creamy Heredes, Heather, Violet Ray

Been a lot of random things going on in my life recently. Once I've straightened them out, I'll probably post about it online... will probably make for a better post than this. But then again, that's just me being egotistic haha :)

Laters dudes~

Happy Mother's Day

Me and the sis slept over at our friend's house yesterday after a night of frolicking, and came home this morning. Parents were out. Now, we're about to go out for lunch and... no questions from them. Hmm interesting.

Interesting picture post.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/emilyszabo/4941137007/

End of the world*

in t - 3 hours.

Good luck to me!

--------

I'm currently at the mall, dreading the [end of the world]. This old lady couldn't find her son and asked me if I could text/call him. He wasn't answering but hopefully he got her text. When they found each other, she came back to personally thank me again.
Feeling really good right now. Coincidence that I helped a mom on Mother's Day weekend?

#warmfeels

More Lazy Days

Pulled an all-nighter yesterday. Woke up @ 2 PM today.

AND JUST LAZED AROUND THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON.

... while listening to yaoi Drama CDs *fidgets* and ... stuff *hehe*

I'm hopeless, aren't I?

t-3 days before the end of the world.

--------

On other news (IRL):

Just got updates on the Cleveland kidnappings. Three women were freed after 10 YEARS OF CAPTIVITY. 

I feel happy that they are finally free, but saddened at the fact that you never really know anybody. The suspect was a friend of one of the families. He even helped them during the "search". 

The world is hopeless, isn't it?

I hope not.

Dog Style

Finished reading Dog Style by Motoni Modoru today.

#cry #themfeels

http://mangafox.me/manga/dog_style/

Hello, life

For the time being, I'd like to make myself a not-so-public home on the internetz.
I feel too exposed on the big social networking sites.
Looks like this will be it.

Hello, life.

Today was a lazy day with the sister.

t-6 days before the end of the world.